Shifting Axis
by theoofoof
Summary: Harry Pearce, head of counter terrorism and hardened spy, muses on an event of life changing proportions…


**Title: **Shifting Axis  
**Fandom: **Spooks  
**Rating: **K  
**Genre:** General/Family**  
Warnings:** None

**Summary:** Harry muses on an event of life changing proportions…

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Spooks or any of the characters you may recognise. They all belong to Kudos/BBC.

* * *

Sleep eludes me tonight so I find myself in the kitchen with a mug of hot tea. Not my usual choice of drink, but whiskey isn't really appropriate right now; although I could probably use one. There are certain life events that cause your entire world to shift on its axis. That monumentally change your perspective and make you realise that you have to be a better man. This is one of them.

I certainly wasn't expecting the events of this evening. There was no time to get used to the idea; it was just dropped on me, this…bombshell, no that's not the right word…surprise might be better. I faltered a little when I found out, hardly able to take it in and I didn't handle it as well as I could have done. I recovered though and, thankfully, she didn't hold it against me.

It was a surprise to hear from her last week. We had been emailing regularly since her departure 11 months ago but it had been my turn to email her, although a busy few weeks at work had meant I was overdue. So when I opened my Hotmail account to finally get around to writing back and found another email from her my curiosity was definitely piqued. Opening the email, I found she was back in the country and wanted to meet. She gave me the address of a house in Cambridgeshire and asked me to visit there, for she had something of great importance to discuss with me. I had replied in the affirmative of course. It had been so long since I had seen her, since I'd said goodbye to her on that cold winter day. We'd embraced as she left, but I hadn't been able to tell her how I really felt. I merely uttered some perfunctory lines about not wanting her to go and her taking care.

A snuffling sound comes from the monitor on the kitchen counter followed by a quiet whimper and, though it has been some years since I have been in anything resembling this situation, I know what it means. I hurry upstairs and enter the bedroom, careful not to wake the sleeping occupant in the bed; she needs her rest. I approach the cradle in the corner of the room and lift the precious bundle out before retreating, just as quietly, from the room. Thankfully, I manage to get downstairs before he begins to cry. The house is quite big so the noise shouldn't disturb his mother. I rock him gently and as I do so, all the knowledge and experience comes flooding back in an instant and to my amazement he begins to calm. Once quiet he opens his eyes and looks directly at me. I melt. That's right, Harry Pearce, head of counter-terrorism and hardened spy, brought to his knees by a 6 week old baby.

I look back at him and smile. "Hello," I whisper softly, but the deepness of my voice startles him; he's not used to gruff male tones yet. I rock him again. "Don't fret. Your mum is asleep upstairs. I hear you've been tiring her out. I brought you downstairs so we could let her rest, so I'm hoping you're not hungry; I'd hate to have to wake her."

It may sound strange but he seems to understand my words, accepting that for the moment at least, I'm his primary care giver. "You are so very special," I continue once I'm sure he's settled, "and so very loved. I won't lie to you; you're a little bit of a surprise but that doesn't matter. All that matters is I know about you know and I can be part of your life."

I think back to the moment several hours ago now when his Mum presented him to me for the first time. I think my jaw hit the floor. I know I was silent for a good while, which is what I meant earlier about not handling it very well; she thought I was angry. She was full of apologies; how she'd wanted to tell me but hadn't been sure how I'd react. When I finally found my voice I told her it didn't matter; none of it did. She'd told me now, and while I was a little shocked and saddened that she'd kept it from me, I could understand why. We talked a little once I had fully recovered from the shock, but there was still more to discuss; I still have questions that need answering.

I look down at him once more and continue to talk. "Your Mum is an amazing person; one of the most amazing people I know, and you can be certain that she loves you so much. Never doubt that. I love you too and we're going to do so many things together; we can play football and rugby, I'll help you ride a bike, read books to you. Whatever you want to do, we'll do it. Even skateboarding if that's what you want, although I make no promises about how good I'll be at that. But what I want you to know most of all is that I am going to make sure nothing, no-one will ever hurt you. Or your Mum."

I slide my hands carefully under him and lift him up, remembering to support his head before pressing my lips to the soft skin of his brow. A movement in the corner of my eye grabs my attention and I see that his mother is no longer asleep. I blush at being caught bearing my heart to a child.

"I…I didn't know you were there. Christopher and I were just having a little chat."

"So I heard," she smiles. She perches on the arm of my chair and caresses her son's head.

"You weren't supposed to; you were supposed to be sleeping," I scold lightly.

"I was, but when I woke up and he wasn't there I panicked. I was just about to call for you when I heard you talking to him. What you said was lovely; thank you." She gives me a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"I meant every word. I know that might be hard to believe given my track record but…"

"It's okay, Dad. I understand. You weren't a bad father; just an absent one. But you're different now; something tells me you won't make the same mistakes with your Grandson as you did with me and Graham."

"I won't, I promise." We look down simultaneously and notice Christopher has drifted off.

"I'll go and put him down again," Catherine says, taking him expertly from my arms; he doesn't even flinch. As she reaches the door, she pauses and looks back. "I'm actually feeling quite awake now, so maybe we should talk. You can ask all those questions I know you must still have."

I nod. "Okay, but settle him first."

"Okay…Granddad!" she replies cheekily.

I smile as I watch her go, my heart surging with pride and love. For both of them.

* * *

**A/N:** So, did I manage to fool you? Hope you weren't too disappointed. I've never written anything like this before; where I have deliberately tried to fool the reader, so any feedback would be gratefully received.

**A/N 2:** Also, I think this works well as a one-shot, but I have an idea about how to develop it further if anyone would like to see more.


End file.
